A plain and simple "yes."
That's all I asked God for last night after hearing a friend of mine say that teaching is the best profession ever. I've agreed with him for a long time...but I've heard so many negative things about it that I've been steered away from it over and over again.
Yes, the public school system is very quickly getting worse. Yes, it probably will be tough to find an art teaching position at a school. Yes, I will have to transfer schools and just about start all over. But yes, I can make a difference in the lives of students by simply having a "Ms. Gore" mindset...by sharing God's love with hundreds of kids in a classroom on a daily basis.
To be honest, public schools are where love is needed the most. I would know--I was there less than a year ago myself.
Last week, at one of my lowest points, I was writing in my prayer journal. This journal has a different quote or bible verse on every page, and when I flipped to a blank page before writing, this is what I found:
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
You are the one who'll decide where you go."
- Dr. Seuss
I know, I know...it's strange to come across a quote from Dr. Seuss that puts everything in your life into perspective. (I'm sure you were expecting an awe-inspiring verse from scripture!) But this verse really did it for me. You've heard the old cliche "God works in mysterious ways;" well, it's true!
My brain. My steps. My path. My life. My knowledge. My decision. My direction.
That's an awful lot of "my's," huh? That's what I thought too... All this time I've heard that God has a plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11), and that God determines my path (Proverbs 16:9), and that God knows just what I need (Matthew 6:8). So it feels kind of contradictory to say that this decision is all mine. Because it's not all mine.
Yesterday in his sermon, my dad talked about the contradictions in the extremes of the beliefs of early Christianity. In it, he shared his view-point, a collaboration of both ideas, with the congregation: God ultimately knows what we're going to do in life, but he's given us a free will to choose. If we ask for help, he's going to give it to us...it may take some time, but our help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121:2).
So I'm not going to quit relying on God and make my decisions without consulting him first. But I am going to stop caring so much about the opinions of others and make this decision for myself. I've been blessed with two supportive parents and a wonderful church family, who happen to be praying me through each and every day of my life. No matter what I think, I'm not going to disappoint anyone. (Except maybe myself, if I don't do what I feel led to do.)
So the contradiction I felt disappeared when I read the following page of my prayer journal:
"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
- Psalm 37:23-24 (NLT)
There's that encouraging scripture you've all been waiting for...and it is exactly that: encouraging! The Lord my God is directing my steps. I'm not making this decision, or any others, on my own. I've prayed and sought God's will with my whole heart. I've asked for guidance, wisdom, strength, courage, patience, and, finally, an answer.
Now, I just wonder if a "yes" can come in the form of cold chills and teary eyes...
Monday, October 29, 2012
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Torn.
Torn. That is the word that describes my feelings right now. I'm torn between two different feelings, two different lives, and two different paths.
Some days, I feel free and excited about the future. That's usually when I'm out and about, surrounded by people. I spend most of those times relying on others to make me happy... But then there are other days (and nights), when I feel alone and all I want to do is go home. When I'm alone, that's when I become confused. Those are the times that I worry, and I contemplate, and I talk to God...and sometimes to anyone else who will listen to me.
Normally, I enjoy my alone-time. When I'm at home, in fact, I covet it. I like to use my time to write in my prayer journal (or blog!), read my bible, and sometimes even talk to God. I never feel alone whenever I'm alone at home. I know, it makes no sense, but it's true.
Some days, I enjoy the people who are around me here at school. I guess it's partially because I don't want to feel alone. I spend all of my time with people so that I don't have to spend it by myself. "Don't isolate yourself," people tell me...so I try to listen to their advice. And then other days I spend my time thinking about who reminds me of someone back home, or how much I miss my dad's laugh, or my mom's cooking, or my "best friend time."
I understand and realize that things can't always stay the same. But that doesn't mean I have to leave, does it?
Some days, I want to be an architect, just because it's the plan that I've had for the last year. It's the plan that I prayed about, worked for, and waited to realize for so long. It's that path that will be more enjoyable for me in school. It's the safe path. It's the path that, when completed, will grant me a comfortable and stable financial future. And yet other days, I want to jump out on a leap of faith and take the path that's filled with bumps and risks galore. I want to go to business school, bore myself through classes that aren't really my cup of tea (but will benefit me in the long run), and become an entrepreneur--something else I'm fairly confident I could be if I had all of the right means, resources and people on my side. I want to be a baker...I don't care about making lots of money or the long hours I know it would require...I just want to do something that I know I love--something that takes all my stress away--for the rest of my life.
So, here is my question...which path do I take? I can't say for sure right now, mainly because I haven't heard from my primary decision-maker yet. But this is basically my plea to him...
"I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse!
Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?
When I told my story, you responded;
train me well in your deep wisdom.
Help me understand these things inside and out
so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.
My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn;
build me up again by your Word.
Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
grace me with your clear revelation.
I choose the true road to Somewhere,
I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
God, don't let me down!
I'll run the course you lay out for me
if you'll just show me how."
- Psalm 119:25-32 (MSG)
I'm asking my God to show me the way...and I'm assuring him and everyone around me that I won't hesitate to accept whatever his plan is for my life.
That doesn't mean I'm giving up on what I've accomplished thus far--because I'm not. But I'm testing the waters, and making my way down my current path, with the knowledge that there could be detours along it.
Some days, I feel free and excited about the future. That's usually when I'm out and about, surrounded by people. I spend most of those times relying on others to make me happy... But then there are other days (and nights), when I feel alone and all I want to do is go home. When I'm alone, that's when I become confused. Those are the times that I worry, and I contemplate, and I talk to God...and sometimes to anyone else who will listen to me.
Normally, I enjoy my alone-time. When I'm at home, in fact, I covet it. I like to use my time to write in my prayer journal (or blog!), read my bible, and sometimes even talk to God. I never feel alone whenever I'm alone at home. I know, it makes no sense, but it's true.
Some days, I enjoy the people who are around me here at school. I guess it's partially because I don't want to feel alone. I spend all of my time with people so that I don't have to spend it by myself. "Don't isolate yourself," people tell me...so I try to listen to their advice. And then other days I spend my time thinking about who reminds me of someone back home, or how much I miss my dad's laugh, or my mom's cooking, or my "best friend time."
I understand and realize that things can't always stay the same. But that doesn't mean I have to leave, does it?
Some days, I want to be an architect, just because it's the plan that I've had for the last year. It's the plan that I prayed about, worked for, and waited to realize for so long. It's that path that will be more enjoyable for me in school. It's the safe path. It's the path that, when completed, will grant me a comfortable and stable financial future. And yet other days, I want to jump out on a leap of faith and take the path that's filled with bumps and risks galore. I want to go to business school, bore myself through classes that aren't really my cup of tea (but will benefit me in the long run), and become an entrepreneur--something else I'm fairly confident I could be if I had all of the right means, resources and people on my side. I want to be a baker...I don't care about making lots of money or the long hours I know it would require...I just want to do something that I know I love--something that takes all my stress away--for the rest of my life.
So, here is my question...which path do I take? I can't say for sure right now, mainly because I haven't heard from my primary decision-maker yet. But this is basically my plea to him...
"I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse!
Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?
When I told my story, you responded;
train me well in your deep wisdom.
Help me understand these things inside and out
so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.
My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn;
build me up again by your Word.
Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
grace me with your clear revelation.
I choose the true road to Somewhere,
I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
God, don't let me down!
I'll run the course you lay out for me
if you'll just show me how."
- Psalm 119:25-32 (MSG)
I'm asking my God to show me the way...and I'm assuring him and everyone around me that I won't hesitate to accept whatever his plan is for my life.
That doesn't mean I'm giving up on what I've accomplished thus far--because I'm not. But I'm testing the waters, and making my way down my current path, with the knowledge that there could be detours along it.
Monday, August 6, 2012
I'm So Scared.
It's difficult to dissect the jumble of thoughts and emotions that are running through my head right now. I can tell you that there is uncertainty, question and fear in my mind, all of which are seemingly normal for a person who's about to experience what I am - college. But the one thing I question is whether or not I'm supposed to cry this much.
I've cried myself to sleep three of the last four nights. I've woken up with various degrees of swollen eyes to hide. I even cried for the first time in public at church on Sunday...into my best friend's arms. We shed our tears together. I'm not an overly sensitive person. I cry during sad parts of movies or when I see people whom I'm close to cry. I call myself a sympathetic crier...it makes sense, right?
The college I'm leaving for in less than a week is two hours away from home, and already I feel like I'm packing up my life for good. Just looking at all of the boxes and bags full of stuff - anything from plates to pillows to batteries - makes me sick to my stomach. I can barely make eye-contact with my mom, dad or younger sister anymore for fear that I might start crying, or that they'll be able to see my swollen eyes.
I haven't even left and I miss them already. Especially my baby sister - the pain in my side for so long. We've done basically everything together for the majority of our lives, and as much as we say we dislike each other or can't wait for me to leave, I can't stand to leave her. There are so many things I'm going to miss about her... Our ukulele jam-sessions, telling her to "swim fast and don't be last" before every swim meet, riding home from school with her in the afternoons and talking about our day, all of our inside jokes...heck, I might even miss her snooping into all my business! I hurt inside whenever I try to make these last few days count.
And of course I'm going to miss my parents too. Yes, a little freedom and independence will be nice, but it scares me to think of what I'll do on my own. Forget the laundry, cooking, and fixing broken things - I could do any of that on my own...but it's the simple, everyday contact that I'm going to miss. There's not going to be anyone around in college to eat dinner with me, ask me about my day, or say prayers with me at night. That part scares me.
And as I was writing this just awhile ago with tears rolling down my face, one of the members of my church family came to my door. Which brings me to another part of my life that I can't stand to leave - my church. This friend, who was at the hospital when I was born, just sat down and cried with me. How am I supposed to leave behind such strong relationships like the one I have with her?
In the last few days I have imagined various scenarios in my head. I've thought about trying this whole college thing out for a year, or even a semester, and seeing if I like it enough to continue. I've looked up majors at local colleges, closer to home. I've tried to picture myself in the future, and I've wondered what I really want to do with my life.
Last year this time, I had no idea. About eleven months ago, though, I decided I wanted to pursue architecture, a lifelong love of mine. Now, as I'm about to start school for that particular major, I'm continuing to have second thoughts. I've already been accepted into one of the most challenging and best architecture programs in the nation. Step one, complete. Now I wonder what I can accomplish in life as an architect. I don't want to throw away this dream of mine that I've already worked so hard to achieve, but I can't help but think, what if there's something else out there that I need, rather than want, to be doing?
I've been on several summer mission trips with my church youth group. On most of the occasions after I return home from them, I've been left feeling like I want to do something more. I've gone so far as contemplating working for summers with these mission groups. But while I know there's a great need in local communities here, I've always imagined going to foreign countries to feed a greater, global need. I've envied the various mission teams from my church as they've gone to places like Costa Rica, Argentina and Haiti. I know that going somewhere like that for a longer period of time wouldn't help my close-to-home dilemma, but wouldn't it at least make me feel like I have a purpose? Sharing God's word; working for others in His name; serving communities and providing resources that they might not otherwise receive. That all sounds pretty purposeful to me.
So why can't I do all of that while going to college? I don't know, maybe I can. But at the largest university in my state, and as liberal as it is, I find it hard to believe that it could really fit into my agenda there.
I hate questioning my own decisions when I'm so close to following through with them, but what if I have already ignored God's calling somewhere in my life? What if I was so set on these plans and considered them God's just because they were the only ones I had come up with so far? What if His purpose for me is greater than designing some buildings in a world that is continuing to become more and more critical and liberal in its thinking? Why can't I use my gifts of compassion and creativity in a greater capacity? A capacity that benefits His Kingdom.
Right now, at this point in my life, I've told myself that I have been waiting on God's timing. For awhile, it felt like His timing meshed with mine...and now it doesn't. I feel like God is telling me to wait for something even greater, because He's got something planned.
The problem is, what to do until then...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11
I've cried myself to sleep three of the last four nights. I've woken up with various degrees of swollen eyes to hide. I even cried for the first time in public at church on Sunday...into my best friend's arms. We shed our tears together. I'm not an overly sensitive person. I cry during sad parts of movies or when I see people whom I'm close to cry. I call myself a sympathetic crier...it makes sense, right?
The college I'm leaving for in less than a week is two hours away from home, and already I feel like I'm packing up my life for good. Just looking at all of the boxes and bags full of stuff - anything from plates to pillows to batteries - makes me sick to my stomach. I can barely make eye-contact with my mom, dad or younger sister anymore for fear that I might start crying, or that they'll be able to see my swollen eyes.
I haven't even left and I miss them already. Especially my baby sister - the pain in my side for so long. We've done basically everything together for the majority of our lives, and as much as we say we dislike each other or can't wait for me to leave, I can't stand to leave her. There are so many things I'm going to miss about her... Our ukulele jam-sessions, telling her to "swim fast and don't be last" before every swim meet, riding home from school with her in the afternoons and talking about our day, all of our inside jokes...heck, I might even miss her snooping into all my business! I hurt inside whenever I try to make these last few days count.
And of course I'm going to miss my parents too. Yes, a little freedom and independence will be nice, but it scares me to think of what I'll do on my own. Forget the laundry, cooking, and fixing broken things - I could do any of that on my own...but it's the simple, everyday contact that I'm going to miss. There's not going to be anyone around in college to eat dinner with me, ask me about my day, or say prayers with me at night. That part scares me.
And as I was writing this just awhile ago with tears rolling down my face, one of the members of my church family came to my door. Which brings me to another part of my life that I can't stand to leave - my church. This friend, who was at the hospital when I was born, just sat down and cried with me. How am I supposed to leave behind such strong relationships like the one I have with her?
In the last few days I have imagined various scenarios in my head. I've thought about trying this whole college thing out for a year, or even a semester, and seeing if I like it enough to continue. I've looked up majors at local colleges, closer to home. I've tried to picture myself in the future, and I've wondered what I really want to do with my life.
Last year this time, I had no idea. About eleven months ago, though, I decided I wanted to pursue architecture, a lifelong love of mine. Now, as I'm about to start school for that particular major, I'm continuing to have second thoughts. I've already been accepted into one of the most challenging and best architecture programs in the nation. Step one, complete. Now I wonder what I can accomplish in life as an architect. I don't want to throw away this dream of mine that I've already worked so hard to achieve, but I can't help but think, what if there's something else out there that I need, rather than want, to be doing?
I've been on several summer mission trips with my church youth group. On most of the occasions after I return home from them, I've been left feeling like I want to do something more. I've gone so far as contemplating working for summers with these mission groups. But while I know there's a great need in local communities here, I've always imagined going to foreign countries to feed a greater, global need. I've envied the various mission teams from my church as they've gone to places like Costa Rica, Argentina and Haiti. I know that going somewhere like that for a longer period of time wouldn't help my close-to-home dilemma, but wouldn't it at least make me feel like I have a purpose? Sharing God's word; working for others in His name; serving communities and providing resources that they might not otherwise receive. That all sounds pretty purposeful to me.
So why can't I do all of that while going to college? I don't know, maybe I can. But at the largest university in my state, and as liberal as it is, I find it hard to believe that it could really fit into my agenda there.
I hate questioning my own decisions when I'm so close to following through with them, but what if I have already ignored God's calling somewhere in my life? What if I was so set on these plans and considered them God's just because they were the only ones I had come up with so far? What if His purpose for me is greater than designing some buildings in a world that is continuing to become more and more critical and liberal in its thinking? Why can't I use my gifts of compassion and creativity in a greater capacity? A capacity that benefits His Kingdom.
Right now, at this point in my life, I've told myself that I have been waiting on God's timing. For awhile, it felt like His timing meshed with mine...and now it doesn't. I feel like God is telling me to wait for something even greater, because He's got something planned.
The problem is, what to do until then...
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
- Jeremiah 29:11
Friday, August 3, 2012
What's the point in having regrets?
In one week, I won't be sitting in this bedroom. The same room that I've slept in nearly every night for my entire life...the same room that I have always proudly called "mine"...the same room with the bright purple paint that's been on the walls since my tenth birthday, almost exactly eight years ago. Nope, not this room. One week from now, I will be sitting in "my" new room...a dorm room at N.C. State University. I'll be sitting there, most likely with tears in my eyes (just like I have now), because my family will have just left me in my new "home" to head back to my old home. This home.
I'm a homebody. And, as I was recently told by a friend, I just happened to have been blessed with the ability to succeed. I know, it's completely possible to be successful in life without a college diploma...but, for me, college somehow just seals the deal. It's the thing that I've worked for my whole high school career.
So tonight, as I sit here worrying about my future, I'm also thinking about my past. Not so much my childhood, but rather the more immediate memories. Mainly from last summer, and my senior year. And these memories lead me to regrets. Not from things I did wrong, but things that I should have done right. Things that perhaps would've made me happier now.
Last summer I became close to a church friend who was two years younger than me. He was funny, entertaining, sweet, caring, and, most importantly to me, he loved the Lord. I'll admit now that back then there were times when his maturity-level dropped, but I attributed it to his age and it never seemed to phase me then. I was attracted to him, but because I was the "mature preacher's daughter" I was too worried about what others might think to ever act on my impulses and do something about my attraction. So I resorted to distractions...for myself, mainly. Other guys, school, homework and lame excuses filled my conversations with him. I thought, he's two years younger than me, so why even bother?
There were nights when my mind swam in circles trying to get over him. And once I finally did, I learned the truth. A couple months later, probably near December, I shared what I'd been hiding for so long - my feelings. And then he shared his...which happened to be identical to mine. He had a girlfriend then, and we were both over it though, so we said. The past was the past, right?
We talked on and off throughout the rest of the school year, but we were never the same kind of close that we used to be. I was graduating, and he still had another two years of school after I left.
A couple weeks ago, though, we talked for the first time since I graduated. I don't know what sparked that conversation (probably my nagging guilt), but I immediately felt regrets for everything that had happened - or rather, not happened between us. I wished all at once that I could re-live the past year...make it include him. My head spun with things I would've done differently:
Gone out to eat with him and his mom at the little restaurant across the railroad tracks from my house, all the times he asked me to go. Tutored him in Algebra 2 when he told me he needed help, knowing that I passed the same class with the same teacher with an A the year before. Stopped and talked to him (and maybe even given him a hug and a kiss!) in between 2nd and 3rd blocks everyday of my last semester instead of walking by without so much as making eye-contact. Picked him up for that swim meet he wanted to go to instead of making excuses. Taken him to prom with me, and actually had a good time there. Gone to all of his baseball games just to support him.
I expressed all of these things to him, and his reply was simple: "All of that's behind us now...we just have the future." I was kind of astonished that he could feel that way, dropping all my regrets so quickly. His maturity-level had gone up significantly since the previous summer, and we both seemed to realize that everything could have been different, had I not been scared of the opinions' of others. So many things in my life could be different right now even, if I hadn't been so worried.
The thing is, though, at any moment I could have changed this. He would've welcomed me back with open arms if I had asked for him to. But I didn't...not until just a few weeks ago. And although I've been feeling like it's too late for grace, because I won't be here in a week, I know I'm wrong. It's never too late to change your mind when someone who loves you unconditionally is willing to take you back as you are.
A friend asked me what was so special about this particular guy, to which I replied, "We've gone on so many youth trips together that he's gotten the chance to see me at my worst - in the mornings. He knows how grumpy I am then, and he likes me anyways."
Do you see my parallel now? Jesus will always welcome us back into His Kingdom when we have gone astray. There's no working to be better; past regrets don't even matter in His eyes; lame excuses don't phase Him. It doesn't matter how far off-course we have gone in the past, He can still look at us and say, "All of that is behind you now." All God sees is the future - a future in which He wants only the best for His children! Through our flaws and dysfunctions, His love for us is unconditional. How beautiful is that?!
I'm a homebody. And, as I was recently told by a friend, I just happened to have been blessed with the ability to succeed. I know, it's completely possible to be successful in life without a college diploma...but, for me, college somehow just seals the deal. It's the thing that I've worked for my whole high school career.
So tonight, as I sit here worrying about my future, I'm also thinking about my past. Not so much my childhood, but rather the more immediate memories. Mainly from last summer, and my senior year. And these memories lead me to regrets. Not from things I did wrong, but things that I should have done right. Things that perhaps would've made me happier now.
Last summer I became close to a church friend who was two years younger than me. He was funny, entertaining, sweet, caring, and, most importantly to me, he loved the Lord. I'll admit now that back then there were times when his maturity-level dropped, but I attributed it to his age and it never seemed to phase me then. I was attracted to him, but because I was the "mature preacher's daughter" I was too worried about what others might think to ever act on my impulses and do something about my attraction. So I resorted to distractions...for myself, mainly. Other guys, school, homework and lame excuses filled my conversations with him. I thought, he's two years younger than me, so why even bother?
There were nights when my mind swam in circles trying to get over him. And once I finally did, I learned the truth. A couple months later, probably near December, I shared what I'd been hiding for so long - my feelings. And then he shared his...which happened to be identical to mine. He had a girlfriend then, and we were both over it though, so we said. The past was the past, right?
We talked on and off throughout the rest of the school year, but we were never the same kind of close that we used to be. I was graduating, and he still had another two years of school after I left.
A couple weeks ago, though, we talked for the first time since I graduated. I don't know what sparked that conversation (probably my nagging guilt), but I immediately felt regrets for everything that had happened - or rather, not happened between us. I wished all at once that I could re-live the past year...make it include him. My head spun with things I would've done differently:
Gone out to eat with him and his mom at the little restaurant across the railroad tracks from my house, all the times he asked me to go. Tutored him in Algebra 2 when he told me he needed help, knowing that I passed the same class with the same teacher with an A the year before. Stopped and talked to him (and maybe even given him a hug and a kiss!) in between 2nd and 3rd blocks everyday of my last semester instead of walking by without so much as making eye-contact. Picked him up for that swim meet he wanted to go to instead of making excuses. Taken him to prom with me, and actually had a good time there. Gone to all of his baseball games just to support him.
I expressed all of these things to him, and his reply was simple: "All of that's behind us now...we just have the future." I was kind of astonished that he could feel that way, dropping all my regrets so quickly. His maturity-level had gone up significantly since the previous summer, and we both seemed to realize that everything could have been different, had I not been scared of the opinions' of others. So many things in my life could be different right now even, if I hadn't been so worried.
The thing is, though, at any moment I could have changed this. He would've welcomed me back with open arms if I had asked for him to. But I didn't...not until just a few weeks ago. And although I've been feeling like it's too late for grace, because I won't be here in a week, I know I'm wrong. It's never too late to change your mind when someone who loves you unconditionally is willing to take you back as you are.
A friend asked me what was so special about this particular guy, to which I replied, "We've gone on so many youth trips together that he's gotten the chance to see me at my worst - in the mornings. He knows how grumpy I am then, and he likes me anyways."
Do you see my parallel now? Jesus will always welcome us back into His Kingdom when we have gone astray. There's no working to be better; past regrets don't even matter in His eyes; lame excuses don't phase Him. It doesn't matter how far off-course we have gone in the past, He can still look at us and say, "All of that is behind you now." All God sees is the future - a future in which He wants only the best for His children! Through our flaws and dysfunctions, His love for us is unconditional. How beautiful is that?!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Chapter 6: "College"...
So in my last post, I talked a lot about friends. Well, tonight I want to reiterate on that topic. I used a Nicholas Sparks quote that compared people in our lives to characters in a book. So now I want to compare not characters, but times and situations to the many chapters of a book.
You've most likely heard it said more times than you can count: that old bit about starting a new chapter in life. If it's been said once, it's been said many times over, and in numerous ways.
That old symbolic chapter is the division between old and new, youth and maturity, inexperience and experience. It divides different ages, walks and even leaps of faith. And just like in books, the number of chapters in peoples' lives vary greatly from person to person.
For example, I have very few chapters in my life right now. There's the first one, my childhood and naivety. Then there's the second, my pre-teen years when I had an attitude and I didn't care who saw it! Sometimes there's a pretty clear divide between chapters, and other times one flows smoothly into the next. I've always felt that the best stories are the ones that leave you in suspense at the end of one chapter while you're waiting for the next to begin. As I started high school, my third chapter started as well. And then another one began when I got my license...that's one of those chapters that I think everyone has, because it's such a momentous time in people's lives. I think it's safe to say that I started a fifth chapter in life when I became a senior in high school and "senioritis" kicked in less than six months ago. And now I sit here waiting for this chapter to come to a smooth close and make way for the much-anticipated chapter called "college."
Where I'll go, who I'll meet, what I'll do...those are all questions that will be answered as the pages in my story progress. I do know one thing for certain, and that is that I will never forget those key characters who have continously remained a part of my life's story. Those people will follow me well into the next chapter of my life simply because my story wouldn't be complete without them.
So, why the need for this huge metaphor, and what does it have to do with God or my faith?? Well, I'll tell you why... I feel like this subject is one that's been stressing and scaring me a good bit in my life lately, and through that stress and anxiety, God has purposefully calmed my heart.
As I lay in bed the other night worrying about this new chapter in my life, a voice in my head quoted word-for-word a verse that I love but don't necessarily know from memory, Philippians 4:6:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Yup, that's right...that was God telling me to put my trust in Him and (oh my goodness!) not be anxious! But it didn't stop there... I Googled this verse (because let's face it, Google is a gift from God) and look at what comes right after it...
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6 & 7
So not only is God telling me to throw all my burdens on His shoulders, but He's also saying that when I do that, I will be so at peace that I won't even know what's hit me!
And so that's exactly what I did. And it feels so peaceful to have this huge weight just lifted right off of my shoulders. Up until Tuesday night, I had never really been able to comprehend the way that the Lord so mysteriously works in our lives...but now I can. Now I see that when He wants us to hear His voice He makes it heard. And how wonderful it is to hear...
You've most likely heard it said more times than you can count: that old bit about starting a new chapter in life. If it's been said once, it's been said many times over, and in numerous ways.
That old symbolic chapter is the division between old and new, youth and maturity, inexperience and experience. It divides different ages, walks and even leaps of faith. And just like in books, the number of chapters in peoples' lives vary greatly from person to person.
For example, I have very few chapters in my life right now. There's the first one, my childhood and naivety. Then there's the second, my pre-teen years when I had an attitude and I didn't care who saw it! Sometimes there's a pretty clear divide between chapters, and other times one flows smoothly into the next. I've always felt that the best stories are the ones that leave you in suspense at the end of one chapter while you're waiting for the next to begin. As I started high school, my third chapter started as well. And then another one began when I got my license...that's one of those chapters that I think everyone has, because it's such a momentous time in people's lives. I think it's safe to say that I started a fifth chapter in life when I became a senior in high school and "senioritis" kicked in less than six months ago. And now I sit here waiting for this chapter to come to a smooth close and make way for the much-anticipated chapter called "college."
Where I'll go, who I'll meet, what I'll do...those are all questions that will be answered as the pages in my story progress. I do know one thing for certain, and that is that I will never forget those key characters who have continously remained a part of my life's story. Those people will follow me well into the next chapter of my life simply because my story wouldn't be complete without them.
So, why the need for this huge metaphor, and what does it have to do with God or my faith?? Well, I'll tell you why... I feel like this subject is one that's been stressing and scaring me a good bit in my life lately, and through that stress and anxiety, God has purposefully calmed my heart.
As I lay in bed the other night worrying about this new chapter in my life, a voice in my head quoted word-for-word a verse that I love but don't necessarily know from memory, Philippians 4:6:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Yup, that's right...that was God telling me to put my trust in Him and (oh my goodness!) not be anxious! But it didn't stop there... I Googled this verse (because let's face it, Google is a gift from God) and look at what comes right after it...
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 4:6 & 7
So not only is God telling me to throw all my burdens on His shoulders, but He's also saying that when I do that, I will be so at peace that I won't even know what's hit me!
And so that's exactly what I did. And it feels so peaceful to have this huge weight just lifted right off of my shoulders. Up until Tuesday night, I had never really been able to comprehend the way that the Lord so mysteriously works in our lives...but now I can. Now I see that when He wants us to hear His voice He makes it heard. And how wonderful it is to hear...
Monday, January 30, 2012
If you're happy, I'm happy
In my relatively short lifetime, I've learned many things about friends. Some good, some bad. I've had enough friends to realize that they're not all going to always be around. They will enter and exit your life, some with a big to-do about it and others with not so much as a hello or a goodbye. But I've come to the conclusion that real friends are the people who love us not because they have to, but because they want to.
"People come, people go - they'll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told thier story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."
- Nicholas Sparks (The Rescue)
Nicholas Sparks creates a pretty accurate analogy in this quote. I know this from personal experience, and I think in a way most of us do.
So why am I babbling on about friends? No, it isn't because I've had a fight with one of mine, or because I've lost one. It's because I have begun to realize how wonderful the true friends really are, and why they are that way.
Tomorrow, one of my best friends tries out for the football team at the university he attends. He has a real passion for football and sports. He works out and trains nearly every day. He has the kind of heart and spirit that any coach would be proud to have in a player. Basically, this is my friend's dream. This is what he's worked for ever since he transfered to his school last year.
So why am I so focused on it? Well, most college football teams normally practice all the time, year-round, on the weekends, during the off-season...you see where I'm going with this. Now, add in the fact that this isn't just some small college he wants to play for, but an ACC school. If my friend makes this team tomorrow, he won't be coming home very often, and my chances of seeing him will go from slim to even slimmer.
Long story short, I am selfish.
There's no other way to explain it but that. And who can blame me, really? I don't want to have to give up the time I could have with my friend for something that, in the long run, doesn't really matter.
But yesterday, seeing him for the first time in a month, and seeing the joy and excitement and nerves that tomorrow is bringing him...it makes me want only the best for him. And that's the point I'm getting at.
Real friends want what's best for their friends.
I call myself a "real friend."
Therefore, I need to want what's best for my friends.
My friend told me yesterday that as long as I'm happy, he's happy. In my eyes, that is the epitome of a true friend.
Tonight I attempted to encourage him with an awesome translation of one of the most popular pieces of scripture in the Bible:
"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through the One who makes me who I am."
- Philippians 4:13 (MSG)
Now if that doesn't calm his nerves and give him strength, I don't know what will! I'm striving to support him through prayer and encouragement, as well as through my words and actions.
I've heard it said that "friends pick us up when we fall down, and if they can't pick us up, they sit down and listen for a while." I want to be the kind of friend who is there through thick and thin, and who selflessly supports the ones I love in all that they do.
"People come, people go - they'll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told thier story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."
- Nicholas Sparks (The Rescue)
Nicholas Sparks creates a pretty accurate analogy in this quote. I know this from personal experience, and I think in a way most of us do.
So why am I babbling on about friends? No, it isn't because I've had a fight with one of mine, or because I've lost one. It's because I have begun to realize how wonderful the true friends really are, and why they are that way.
Tomorrow, one of my best friends tries out for the football team at the university he attends. He has a real passion for football and sports. He works out and trains nearly every day. He has the kind of heart and spirit that any coach would be proud to have in a player. Basically, this is my friend's dream. This is what he's worked for ever since he transfered to his school last year.
So why am I so focused on it? Well, most college football teams normally practice all the time, year-round, on the weekends, during the off-season...you see where I'm going with this. Now, add in the fact that this isn't just some small college he wants to play for, but an ACC school. If my friend makes this team tomorrow, he won't be coming home very often, and my chances of seeing him will go from slim to even slimmer.
Long story short, I am selfish.
There's no other way to explain it but that. And who can blame me, really? I don't want to have to give up the time I could have with my friend for something that, in the long run, doesn't really matter.
But yesterday, seeing him for the first time in a month, and seeing the joy and excitement and nerves that tomorrow is bringing him...it makes me want only the best for him. And that's the point I'm getting at.
Real friends want what's best for their friends.
I call myself a "real friend."
Therefore, I need to want what's best for my friends.
My friend told me yesterday that as long as I'm happy, he's happy. In my eyes, that is the epitome of a true friend.
Tonight I attempted to encourage him with an awesome translation of one of the most popular pieces of scripture in the Bible:
"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through the One who makes me who I am."
- Philippians 4:13 (MSG)
Now if that doesn't calm his nerves and give him strength, I don't know what will! I'm striving to support him through prayer and encouragement, as well as through my words and actions.
I've heard it said that "friends pick us up when we fall down, and if they can't pick us up, they sit down and listen for a while." I want to be the kind of friend who is there through thick and thin, and who selflessly supports the ones I love in all that they do.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
How to Fall In Love...
Hey guys! It's a new year, which means new blog posts! Shocking, right? Actually, I am going to try just a little bit harder to post more often this year, seeing as how my last post is from around three months ago.
In the last week or so I've decided to read the book of Romans, primarily because one of the main goals in my faith walk this year has been to literally fall in love with Jesus Christ. The reason behind this goal (I guess that's the simplest way of putting it) is that I've realized that in order to fully commit my heart to one other individual (i.e. the man I'm going to marry), I must first be in love with my Creator. So, why Romans? Well, Romans is basically God's love letter (written through Paul) to the world... So, why not Romans?!
As I was reading about God's great love for us and everything that he strives to invest into a relationship with us, a couple of verses of scripture stuck out to me...
"All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life - a life that goes on and on and on, world without end."
- Romans 5:20 & 21 (MSG)
These verses are saying, more or less, that no matter how great our sin is, it doesn't have a chance against grace because God's grace will always be greater than our sin. Now that doesn't mean that because grace is around each and every one of our sins are automatically pardoned. But it does mean that, as long as we ask for God's forgiveness, the "aggressive forgiveness" we know as grace will cover all of our sins. In other words, we have a relationship with him, we have grace. Relationship = grace.
It's just like my earthly daddy would always tell me when I was younger and had done something wrong - because I love you, I'm going to give you grace. Instead of a harsh punishment for my wrongdoings, I would recieve very little, if any, punishment at all, mainly because the relationship I had with my dad caused him to not want to punish me. Because of our relationship - because of our great love - I recieved grace.
It's the same way with our relationship with Christ, in that through that strong relationship love and grace can be attained. A relationship not only brings grace, but it also brings a deep love, making it a key part of that falling in love I so long to do. So what do grace greater than sin, a relentless love and a strong relationship all have in common? They help us to fall more in love with the Maker of our hearts.
In the last week or so I've decided to read the book of Romans, primarily because one of the main goals in my faith walk this year has been to literally fall in love with Jesus Christ. The reason behind this goal (I guess that's the simplest way of putting it) is that I've realized that in order to fully commit my heart to one other individual (i.e. the man I'm going to marry), I must first be in love with my Creator. So, why Romans? Well, Romans is basically God's love letter (written through Paul) to the world... So, why not Romans?!
As I was reading about God's great love for us and everything that he strives to invest into a relationship with us, a couple of verses of scripture stuck out to me...
"All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life - a life that goes on and on and on, world without end."
- Romans 5:20 & 21 (MSG)
These verses are saying, more or less, that no matter how great our sin is, it doesn't have a chance against grace because God's grace will always be greater than our sin. Now that doesn't mean that because grace is around each and every one of our sins are automatically pardoned. But it does mean that, as long as we ask for God's forgiveness, the "aggressive forgiveness" we know as grace will cover all of our sins. In other words, we have a relationship with him, we have grace. Relationship = grace.
It's just like my earthly daddy would always tell me when I was younger and had done something wrong - because I love you, I'm going to give you grace. Instead of a harsh punishment for my wrongdoings, I would recieve very little, if any, punishment at all, mainly because the relationship I had with my dad caused him to not want to punish me. Because of our relationship - because of our great love - I recieved grace.
It's the same way with our relationship with Christ, in that through that strong relationship love and grace can be attained. A relationship not only brings grace, but it also brings a deep love, making it a key part of that falling in love I so long to do. So what do grace greater than sin, a relentless love and a strong relationship all have in common? They help us to fall more in love with the Maker of our hearts.
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